I haven’t seen the ocean since arriving on the West Coast. And today there was a window of time. I decided on a beach that came highly recommended from a research coordinator who also loves books. It has “baker” in the name with views of the Golden Gate Bridge. Win, win, win.

GPS took me to a small parking area in a residential neighborhood high above the sand. It seemed odd but the view pulled me in.

Having been warned by many not to leave anything in vehicles while in California, I hoisted my bright pink backpack on both shoulders, locked the vehicle, and set out.

I’m having dinner on Valentine’s Day with a party of one. And I’m here for it.

During these solo dates, I typically write or reflect. Tonight, I chose to write out my early childhood messages. I try to write them every day and have worked intentionally to memorize and internalize them.

My parents, brothers, and I are in California. My mom has been having strokes since 2015 and had another one in November which led to a rare diagnosis that’s causing the strokes.

While there is no cure, there is a procedure involving arterial bypass surgery in the brain that can help. Very few doctors perform this surgery and only one in the world performs this surgery regularly. And this doctor is at Stanford University Medical Center.

My life has been significantly impacted in the best way possible since I started doing things by myself. I had been pretty terrified of this concept for a long, long time.

It started with meals alone. Then I started doing cross-state and international IKEA and FB Marketplace roadtrips. Going to theater and concerts by myself. I traveled to Florida for a photo shoot. And right now?

I’m traveling across the country by train.

An activity during a meeting recently caught me off guard. A moment where something that seemed so simple and easy presented itself as scary and hard.

We were kindly given notecards and asked to write a letter to someone who supported us in being able to better serve others.

Simple, right? I began to tuck the blank card away and then looked around the room and realized we were being given time to actually write the letters in that moment.

I have done this activity before and created space for others to do it during meetings as well. But it has never been with the prompt to specifically write to someone who supports you.

I froze.

When you see the same theme repeatedly within 24 hours, you take pause and consider sharing.

I saw someone online recently make public apology videos. She apologized for being too much. For having big dreams. For not staying in her place, in her lane. For not being a silent, beautiful jewel. For not being quiet. For being selfish and sinful for having dreams.

I often use quotes in my work and personal life. Grounding myself in the words of others brings reflection, clarity, and connection.

It is very apparent how the bite-sized quotes that can easily be found on the internet and promoted on social media often come from one group of people, so I will often intentionally seek quotes from individuals within underrepresented groups. To hear different perspectives, ideas, experiences, voices.

They can be very difficult to find.

I have a wildly audacious hope and dream. I’ve had it for a while. I don’t talk about it often but it guides a lot of what I do.

And while I don’t write much about my professional and advocacy work on this platform, I’ve had a few meaningful conversations with individuals and groups lately that make me feel it is time to just put it out there.

After 25 years of work travel, here are the things I can typically count on each time Jon is away…

The avocado tree nursery area of our home seems to be thriving!

We will take the wins where we can right now.

In August, I posted about insurance denying a claim, a medically necessary treatment. A peer-to-peer review took place and did not change anything. We filed an appeal with the insurance company and their denial was upheld.

I have gone through a pretty dramatic internal transformation over the past eight years. One I have relentlessly pursued.

I have unraveled old beliefs, fought against cultural conditioning, rediscovered who I am at the core and have started aligning my life accordingly.

And this past year, I committed to focusing on sorting through some body image junk I’ve been carrying.

I’m anticipating lots of posts in my feed filled with reflection on the past year and eager anticipation for the year to come. And this is all good and valid. I have been there before, too.

And I find myself in a different place this year and want to acknowledge this for those who may find themselves in similar places.

I’ve had this idea in my brain for years. Today I pushed past the fear of not knowing how to do it and just did it anyway!

I love dressing festively and have been collecting holiday outfits for a while. I wanted to take pics of each of them.

When you can’t sleep so you wrap yourself up in a warm blanket, breathe deeply, and watch the moon as it moves slowly across the sky. 🤍🌔🤍

For most of my life, I felt like my ideas and dreams were too big, too wild, too much. And this was confirmed at times by people around me. So I did my best to shove them all down.

But I am trying to listen and be open. To see what may be possible.

It’s been about six months so it’s clearly time for an unexpected road trip!

I just picked up a trailer for a quick down-and-back to Harrisburg tonight while Jon tackles the construction component of the project.

Facebook Marketplace, oh how I love you!

I was at an event recently.

And you know how your body remembers? Well, I saw someone across the room and my body reacted to past trauma.

This has happened before so I know how to recognize it in my body now.

I was in a crowd. And I wanted to run. But I know this was a protective response so I asked myself what I needed. I needed a moment and I needed safe connection.

Dear Everyone Who Makes Decisions Within Medical Systems,

I appreciate some of the changes that have happened over the years to provide more information and access to patients.

There is a downside though. Our family and other people I love have experienced some things that appear to be common practices.

It’s small business Saturday!

For those who don’t know, Christine Bernhardt and I own a small business together (📣Shoutout to Bright Side Sweets! 🍪)

It is really hard work and also rewarding. It is built in time each week to connect with each other and with our amazing customers. It engages our brains in a different way. It fosters our creativity, resourcefulness, and passions.