Soft Front
February 6, 2024
An activity during a meeting recently caught me off guard. A moment where something that seemed so simple and easy presented itself as scary and hard.
We were kindly given notecards and asked to write a letter to someone who supported us in being able to better serve others.
Simple, right? I began to tuck the blank card away and then looked around the room and realized we were being given time to actually write the letters in that moment.
I have done this activity before and created space for others to do it during meetings as well. But it has never been with the prompt to specifically write to someone who supports you.
I froze.
I knew exactly who the letter needed to go to. And I could not write it.
See, the letter needed to go to my partner. He is the one who shows up for me day after day and helps me so I can help others. He does it without fanfare or prompting.
So it seems a letter like this would be easy.
But when you have been together with someone for over 27 years, you experience a lot of wonderful stuff and you also hurt each other a lot along the way.
Over time, the hurting stuff builds up and invisible armor, invisible walls creep in.
And saying the kind stuff feels like betraying the hurtful stuff. It feels like a pass. Like invalidating the past.
And so you build up the walls higher. Become an ice queen. Even when you have worked through and healed from a lot of it. It’s easier to stay in the neutral zone.
I took a moment. Got out of my head and gave myself permission to just write without letting the past get in the way.
I wrote from a place of gratitude and care. It was surprisingly scary as vulnerability often can be. It felt awkward and strange. And it also felt right.
“Soft front” as Brene Brown would say. And I have found that sometimes the soft front is the hardest with those we love the most.
I’m still a work in progress. Thank goodness for that.
Let’s keep working on being brave and vulnerable and saying the dang things we need to say.