Thank you, 2020!
December 31, 2020
I’ve seen the posts, heard the chorus of so many lamenting this year. 2020 has become synonymous with hot messes, train wrecks, dumpster fires. But my perspective is quite different.
Ready??? 2020 has been life changing in every good way. Yep. You read it right. I am grateful for the year 2020. This is an unpopular opinion but I decided to share in case it encourages or helps someone else.
Four years ago, I was internally angry and never felt good enough (but always tried to hide it). My body was also showing me that things were not okay. And I wanted something very different for me and my family. I didn’t know how to get there but I kept learning, growing, and doing the next right thing. Jon decided to join me, something I do not take for granted. The path has been wild and unknown. At the beginning of “the work,” someone told us that everything would change during the process - myself, relationships, work situations, etc. This felt terrifying but we kept moving forward.
Our parenting completely changed based on all that we were learning. Then, many of our friendships changed. As we became more open and vulnerable, we began connecting and reconnecting with others doing the same.
Enter 2020.
-> I began the year really solidifying what I value and believe.
-> As the pandemic hit, I learned so much about myself. I started using any spare moments I had to keep reading and learning and growing, questioning, rethinking, and relearning what I believe about myself, my faith, my values; about power, patriarchy, privilege, priorities.
-> In the wake of George Floyd’s death, I was silent. I have always been silent about racism because I did not know what to say, what to do. With the help of friends who checked me, I know how wrong this is. I have now acknowledged my own racism and have started my work as I continue to actively learn and do better.
-> I did a lot of soul searching to see what other areas I had to actively learn about and decide for myself where I stand. For years, I have stood by my belief about inclusion and always thought of inclusion in terms of being kind and advocating for people of all abilities. But I was convicted that my personal definition must be expanded. If I truly believe in inclusion, it must include everyone, no matter your ability, gender identification, race, religion, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status. Everyone has a story. Every life has meaning. Everyone matters.
-> Then came the harder part - reconciling with myself. I spent a lot of time (and will continue to) working on recognizing and remembering who I am at the core, what I believe, what I value, and my worthiness. And for the first time, I have really seen, known, and understood myself. It’s been hard and so worth it.
-> And to end the year, I have made the difficult and right decision to step away from my work at school. I have been filled with emotions - sadness and grief about leaving the people I love, peace about the decision, and excitement about whatever the future may hold.
Through all of this, I am so grateful to have the incredible support of Jon who is learning right along with me. I honor how open, vulnerable, and supportive he has been through all of this.
Below you will find a pic of most of the books I read this year that have helped me in so many different ways. Let me know if you’ve read any and what you took away. Yay to growing together!
There is still so much to learn in the year ahead. But right now, we are raising a glass to 2020, the year where everything seemed to change. I’d love to hear about the good 2020 has brought you!
