Unlearning

February 20, 2023

I grew up in a culture that taught me girls had to be a certain way, act a certain way, look a certain way.

I remember a charm course workbook I did with a group about how to be a girl. How to wear your hair. How to sit. How to have clean and lovely nails. How to dress. How to be quiet and smile.

A workbook that had each of us identify the faults in our figures and how we would plan to minimize them.

I’m not kidding. I still have the book to prove it. And it is still sold on Amazon to this day with wonderful reviews and ratings.

I learned that it is was my responsibility to keep myself and others pure by the way that I looked and dressed.

And that the way I dressed should be based on other people’s expectations of me.

And so I followed the rules. I chose my clothing based on what other people thought and told me I should wear.

Professionally, I wore denim jumpers with cute embroidered images when I was teaching and blazers and jackets and pants and uncomfortable heels as I moved into leadership roles. I embraced modesty and covered up as much as possible.

I never really paid attention to what I liked or wanted for myself. I didn’t think it mattered.

But then I realized how much I have always loved comfy dresses. And I learned how wonderful and versatile leggings are with the dresses. And found fabulous flats.

I began embracing fashion decisions that were unexpected. Tutus. Funky shoes. Unicorn headbands. Themed earrings. Making my own things if I can’t find what I want.

I decided that I am no longer going to make all my clothing decisions based on other people.

And I am learning that I am not responsible for the thoughts of others.

It has taken me years to unravel this. I’m still unlearning.

I am allowed to wear what I want.

And today, I’ve reached a new level. After 43 years of living on this beautiful Earth, I wore a bathing suit that was more pieces than just one. In actual public.

The world didn’t stop and I am still okay.

What are you unlearning? What are you trying right now that is big and scary for you?