Let It Burn

February 24, 2022

It’s time for me to take full responsibility. Over the past few years, I have taken passwords very seriously. Remember that commercial where the world is coming to an end, and everyone in the room looks to a general to save them and all he has to do is share his private password? And he very timidly spells it aloud - “I hate my job 1?” Yeah. That one. Since I saw that ad, I switched from using old standard passwords to making passwords that are fitting for a situation, ones that I could say aloud. Yearofjoy. Ilovethisplace. You get the idea. They have meaning and are intentional.

So about a year ago, I created a new account and purposely created a password around the phrase “Let it burn.”

I interpret this phrase as allowing myself to feel the pain and loss of something, trusting good will come from it.

At the time, it was about knowing I was making decisions that would be painful and right. That I would feel the feelings and move forward doing the next right thing for me and my family. And it would be heartbreaking and it would be okay.

And even though I’ve changed that password now (sorry hackers), the concept of fire continues to present itself over and over again since then.

After living all of my life with virtually no contact with fire departments with the exception of an occasional dusty sensor on the first day of school or a child testing the fire alarm pull feature to see what will happen, I have been impacted by fire three times in the past three months.

In December, there was a large fire at the apartment complex next to the school where I am working. We worked to support those impacted both at school and the families who were displaced. And, thankfully, no people were harmed.

We have a property on a local lake and in an early morning in January, a fire broke out at our neighbors boathouse and spread to ours. Both were total losses. And, thankfully, no people were harmed.

And this week, an electrical fire broke out in the building where my BFF and I have our bakery, Bright Side Sweets. Another business and an upstairs apartment were also damaged. We are still processing what happened and figuring out how to re-open. And, thankfully, no people were harmed.

My parents say things come in threes, so perhaps we are done for a while?

Each experience has brought different emotions. Fear. Helplessness. Confusion. Worry. Disappointment.

But also peace. Compassion. Gratitude.

Fire has always been one of my greatest fears. During fire prevention week at school, I would rehearse my exit plan in my head as I laid awake each night, unable to sleep.

And this fear has continued into adulthood. While reading the book, Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng recently (highly recommend!), one character, Mia, says, “Sometimes you need to scorch everything to the ground and start over.” And I am learning the power in this now.

I am learning that things can end or change or go away and I will be okay.

I am learning that I can lean into fear and know that I am brave and resilient.

I am learning what’s most important to me. The past year (and three months) have helped me put so many things into perspective.

I am learning who I am at the core.

Friends, what are you learning? What are you letting burn?