More Jeep Lessons

August 2, 2022

You know the rain and the open Jeep roof thing from yesterday? Well, I’m still laughing about it today as water continues to drip into my lap whenever I turn.

But let me tell you how six-year-ago me would have reacted to it.

She would have noticed the rain as she came close to the grocery store exit and saw the rain blanketing the parking light as it glimmered from the lights overhead.

She would have immediately felt upset, defeated, angry, helpless, victimized.

All are valid. All are okay.

But then she would have turned those feelings into shame and taken it out on herself and the people she loves.

She would have beaten herself up for not checking the weather first, for not closing the roof just in case, for not planning, anticipating, being cautious, doing better, controlling all the things.

She would have called her husband and gotten angry with him about something unrelated, would put up a wall, be curt, harsh. Be short with the kids. Hung onto the anger for the rest of the night.

These are undeserved. Projection. Rooted in shame and lack of self-love.

But I’m learning a new way. I have learned that we can’t control everything and don’t need to. We can’t fix everything and we don’t need to.

I’ve learned that life is messy and unexpected and hard and funny.

That I can trust myself to make decisions, make mistakes, handle things, and be okay when things go unexpectedly. That this brings more peace and joy and freedom.

That water dries.

That I need to leave a towel in the glove compartment moving forward.