It’s Not What You Do

May 10, 2023

I have struggled with this post in my mind for a while. It’s been rattling around in there for about a year and I haven’t found the just-right way to write about it even after all this time.

But I’ve decided it doesn’t matter. So here we go.

Our words matter. They can be uplifting. They can be hurtful. They can bring people together. They can cause division. They can be unintentionally reinforcing. And things can be said in what isn’t said.

There are some words that cause me to think and wonder more than others.

Here’s one phrase I think about a lot - “Thank you for all that you do.”

I’ve received that sentiment a lot. And I’ve written it a lot.

There is definitely a time and place for this phrase.

-In the workplace.

-Written to coworkers.

-Written to someone who has provided a service.

It’s a wonderful way to express gratitude.

But there are other times when this message takes on a different form and the unintended message reinforces something that can become problematic.

Like during Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. Anniversaries. Birthdays. Holiday celebrations.

See, I’m an in-progress recovering workaholic. And I still have a long road ahead of me. I have gotten a lot of my worth and value over the years from doing all. the. things. for other people.

Which is often at the expense of a healthy me. Which also negatively impacts others.

I would often get cards that reinforced this message from those I love. “Thank you for all you do for me. For us.”

And so I am here to remind you of this: If you are looking for something to say or to write on a card or to send as a text as we enter a season of celebrating the special people in our lives, consider using this instead…

“It is not what you do but who you are that I love.”