It’s “Confidential”
July 7, 2023
Spontaneity is newer-ish for me. I’m trying to let go of some planning and control and go where life takes me. Sometimes.
So recently, I unexpectedly ended up on the porch of a longtime friend that I haven’t seen in over 12 years. We had a great time catching up on so many parts of life!
We are also FB friends. And have kept up with each other through our posts and occasional messages. On the porch, he playfully asked, “What’s with the cryptic posts on FB?”
And he’s right. I intentionally try to be open and share what I am experiencing and learning. And sometimes they do seem cryptic. Possibly even non-transparent.
And the answer is two-fold.
There are some things that I am just not ready or able to talk about publicly.
And there are some things that involve other people that are either confidential, are not my stories, or I do not have consent to share the parts involving the other involved.
I was taught not to gossip when I was growing up. But I didn’t fully grasp it and found myself sharing other people’s stories to fit in as a teen and young adult. It’s something I have actively tried to work on as I have grown.
Now, the people closest to me are among the most confidential people I know on this planet. They do not tell me information that isn’t mine to know. And they hold what I tell them about myself in strict confidence. One even calls herself “the vault!”
I had confidentiality modeled for me very clearly by my parents. And I have tried to teach it to my children since they were young through example and explanation.
Sometimes, my kids ask me about my day or about specific situations and then tell me: *insert sing-song tones and air quotes* “We know, we know, mom. It’s “confidential!!””
The language we also use with them is, “That is not my story to tell” or “that is not your story to tell.”
We have found that our commitment to this helps build trust and agency and healthier dynamics within relationships.
So when I write, I share my part of a story, my perspective, my experience with as much detail as I can without violating anyone else. If I write about one of my kids or Jon specifically, it’s because they have approved it. And, yes - they approve all photos they are in before they are posted because #consent.
I’m going to keep sharing and being as open as I can.
And if you have something you want to share with someone that feels heavy and hard and scary but telling someone will make you feel less alone, I am here for it.