8 Questions to Ask Your Teen

January 15, 2023

It doesn’t happen all the time. Sometimes we intentionally make the space for it. And sometimes it just happens naturally, like tonight.

Jon and I are in the same room at the same time with one of our kids with nowhere to go and no pressing deadlines and we are all in open, chill mental places to be able to connect and go deep.

We stay curious. We don’t give advice. We just listen and ask questions. We stay out of judgement.

We ask things like:

-How are your classes going? What are you leaning? (NOTE: we do not EVER ask about grades. Grades are NOT important to us. What they are learning and how they are navigating their classes is important to us).

-How are your activities going?

-How are you feeling about the balance between school work and your after school activities?

-How are your relationships with friends? What has been fun? What has been challenging?

-How are you feeling about your relationship with us, your parents? (NOTE: Be open and loving. If you want them to feel safe in telling you their truth, stay open to whatever they tell you. Do not get defensive. You can ask questions calmly. Their truth is their reality whether you agree with what they tell you or not.)

-How are you feeling about your physical health?

-How are you feeling about your mental and emotional health? What is going well? What has been challenging? Are there patterns to it? What helps you when you are feeling overwhelmed?

-How can we better support you?

And then we sit and listen. And ask more questions because we genuinely want to know more. We also specifically ask questions about things they had shared before to follow up.

When we first started doing this with our kids, they felt a bit awkward. Forced. But each time we stayed curious. And now it just flows. They share things with us that I would have never dreamed of sharing.

These moments have helped create really important connections for all of us. They help us stay grounded together. And when we go for long periods of time without one because #life, I know our connection will remain strong.

What questions do you ask? What can we add to our conversation list?